Categories
Travel

The Joy of Solo Travel

As an extrovert, I thought I would hate traveling alone. It seemed natural that I would want someone with me to share experiences with – after all, the adage says that when you enjoy something with another person, you enjoy it twice as much. You have someone else’s perspective, you have companionship, and you have someone to reminisce with after it’s all over.

All those may be true, but each can also be a disadvantage. Another’s perspective can be a distraction, companionship requires resources, and memories are not always shared the same way.

You can focus your attention on what you want specifically.

When traveling with friends, I get easily distracted. I’ll get engrossed in conversation and miss the beauty or the culture happening around me. On my own, there are no timelines, no expectations, and no external distractions. My mind and my observations are my own.

On a hiking trip with some of my friends, I wanted to enjoy the quiet of the surroundings, stop and photograph lichens, dead trees, spider webs, and other bits of nature that fascinate me. My friends were on the hike for exercise and socialization. They worked up their cardio, swinging their arms, creating and expending energy with every swift and deliberate marching step. I perturbed them with my dawdling, trying to find a quiet moment to catch a brief glimpse of wildlife and snap a photo for my journal. By knowing I was slowing them down, I was completely distracted from what brings me joy on a hike, and vice versa.

In Beijing, my group had planned a day at a bazaar, so they could shop for deals and load up with gifts for friends and family back home. My preference was to wander the city streets, experience local pubs, and see the city from as many different perspectives as possible. I broke off from the group, as I often do, and lamented the fact that I had a deadline to meet back up with them. There was so much exploring to do, and having an agenda I had to follow took my focus off what was important to me. It was still a fabulous trip, don’t get me wrong – I just feel like I need to return to experience more of it!

Your schedule and your resources are all your own.

The freedom of solo travel is unmatchable. You can see what you want to see when you want to see it. You can eat what you want when you want. You can seek out company when you feel like a little conversation, or you can retreat without judgement or disappointment when you don’t. Best of all, your budget is your own. You use your resources however it suits you, and there is nobody who expects you to use them differently.

One evening in Italy, my group agreed on a restaurant. It was a fabulous place, but once we were seated, the complaints began. There’s no pasta on the menu, the wine is twenty euros a glass, they only have sparkling water, there’s no olive oil on the table. Each one of us had an expectation of what we wanted from the restaurant. As a solo traveler, you can choose the restaurant that ticks all your boxes.

On a practical level traveling solo is much easier. There’s only one appetite to appease, only one preference for attractions, and only one internal clock to determine the day’s agenda. The things that require concessions and compromises are no longer an issue. You are in charge of seeking out joy in every single moment.

You can enjoy things your own way.  

You may enjoy the historical significance of your city, while your travel buddy may want to live it up, enjoying the freedom from homelife responsibilities.

On the first night of a girls’ getaway, after a very long day of travel, I and my two roommates agreed we would go to bed at a reasonable hour because we had been up at least 24 hours and had a morning activity planned. My roommates got caught up in the activities of the evening and came in at midnight; I had been asleep for three hours. As drunk girls do, they were bumping into furniture in the dark, shushing each other, laughing and giggling, and telling each other stories about things I absolutely didn’t want to hear.

Not only that, but they both were heavy packers and had to unpack their whole suitcases to find whatever they were looking for, so the room was a wreck. I’m a minimalist in almost every way, so this roommate relationship was being taxed on every level.

I unobtrusively gathered my things and got my own room. An angels’ choir sang for me as I entered my own, sweet little space with just enough room for me and my stuff. Peace descended and I slept like a baby, refreshed for the day ahead.

I want to stress here that the way these two were enjoying their vacation was 100% legitimate and perfect for them. They had the right and liberty to throw down all night long if they wanted. It just wasn’t for me. It was then that I realized, traveling solo is a gift from the gods, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

I have traveled with tour groups, with friends, with women, with a romantic partner, and with a best friend, and my favorite way to travel is by myself – bar none.

The experience of solo travel is transcendent.

In Nova Scotia, on a solo trip, I hiked a several-mile trail to the top of a cape that had a magnificent view. As I was climbing, I met a solo woman on her way down who had seen the view and couldn’t contain herself. She had to share her awe-inspired wonder at the harsh and bracing beauty of the Atlantic waves crashing against the steep, ragged cliffs. We were two strangers sharing a moment together – her in the telling and me in the anticipation of the experience. Our lives touched in an intimate moment, and then we moved on.  

With solo travel, each of us experiences the pleasures of travel in our own way. No apologies or excuses are necessary, and no judgments are in order. Some like to wander and get lost while others like to plan and map their routes. Some prefer to experience culture through food, some through shopping, some through local interactions. Some like to relax fully strewing their clothes and belongings all over the room, while others like to live carefully out of their suitcase.

There are no rights or wrongs, but when two or more are together, there is compromise. Traveling solo allows you to immerse yourself in each moment with no compromises and no distractions. Only joy! 

Categories
Positivity Travel

Italy: Part 2 – An ode to things we carry unnecessarily

When women travel, they carry luggage. So much luggage. On a trip to Italy a few years ago, my group of five women (only one of which did I know) traveling together for two weeks brought eight huge suitcases and numerous carry-ons, which did not include shopping bags or purses. Oh my gosh. I have never seen so many bags all together in one place.  

On arrival, we went to pick up our rental car. My friend had reserved a Land Rover, big enough to seat all five of us. It was not, however, big enough to hold our luggage, too. The attendant gave us a van – still not big enough. We ended up with the most American looking SUV they had on the lot.

Major props to my friend who was the driver of that SUV. It is nigh impossible to drive a large vehicle in Italy. The roads are narrow and traffic laws are merely suggestions. Most drivers there are in compacts and minis. We looked so very out of place in our 5-door, 8-seat gas guzzler. We and our baggage barely fit into it. Loading it was like a game of Tetris.

My goal is to travel light: One carryon, no matter where I go, no matter for how long. I pack just enough clothes, made from wrinkle-free fabrics that roll up tight, and one pair of very cute but practical shoes. I pack light, so I can remain flexible and fancy-free.

These women brought snacks, jewelry, shoes, cameras, pillows, I don’t even know what else. So many things! Problem is, it is really hard to carry so many bags everywhere you go, and you’re liable to start losing things because it’s hard to keep track of them.

Our villa was on the third floor, and we arrived late at night in the dark. I can lift my suitcase easily, so carrying it up the stairs was no problem. Not so much the other girls. It took them many trips to carry their bags one at a time up the stairs, stopping on each stair. It struck me, not for the first time, how easy life can be when you just don’t carry much around. My heart went out to these weary travelers – but not quite enough to offer to carry their bags for them.

Our stay in the villa was beautiful, sleeping with the windows and shudders wide open. I had a room to myself, which was glorious. Only my things to look after – no clutter, no commingling of other travelers’ dirty socks or facial products. The peacefulness was sweet and exhilarating.

Our trip was magical! We visited Rome, toured castle ruins, rode Vespas to a private vineyard tour, soaked in a sulphury spring-fed pool, made pizzas and limoncello at a lemon farm, tasted wine and olive oils, and watched cheesemakers twist and pull mozzarella into perfect, glossy, white wreaths. We lay on the beach, took a private boat ride to Capri, toured the Amalfi coast, and were serenaded and entertained by a troubadour. I pocketed a few small rocks and seashells from the Mediterranean shore as mementos.

We ended our trip in Naples, where my travel companions – I kid you not – bought additional luggage to carry back all the items they purchased along the way. They had bought wine, oil, leather goods, clothes, jewelry, knick-knacks, and lots and lots of things. On our way to the airport, we had to get two taxis, one for the luggage and one for us. And then the kicker – my friends ended up paying an additional $600 in fines for the airline luggage transfer.

Why so much stuff?  

Seriously, you are cute enough as it is without having to have three outfits per day, plus shoes, plus jewelry and accessories, including scarves, bags, and belts.

The problem with baggage, is it is just that. Stuff you carry around that weighs you down. Constantly looking after your things, being held back at the airport, at the hotel, in the cab, not being able to go where you want when you want.

Then when you get home you have to find a place for it all. You have to unpack it, wash it, and put it away. Is it worth it to carry all that baggage? It may sound like I’m being judgmental but hear me out.

Carrying too many bags full of unnecessary things that we think we need is a living metaphor for how we carry around our very own fears, anxieties, emotional turmoil, and self-inflicted stress. That kind of baggage weighs us down and keeps us from enjoying life as it is happening. And apparently, the more we have of it, the more we accumulate.

Pare down, fellow sojourners. Travel light, figuratively and literally. Be ready to go, ready to see, ready to do. You definitely already look cute enough.

Categories
Advice from my father

General Advice, Episode 9 – Finale

Final analysis – The Essence. The Epitome. All things considered. Daddy loved a good wrap up: the weighing in, the summing up, and the capping-off of information that reveals an undisputed resolution.

Regarding Daddy’s life and advice, the final analysis reveals his fair-minded, optimistic, and consistent leadership. The applied pattern of actions is consistent and overarching.  His admonitions, guidance, and value structure – consistent with his generation – add value to the general body of knowledge of our culture. This is so because he lived a life that clearly reflected his principles.

After his distinguished military career as a Korean War Ace and a three-star general, Daddy threw his efforts into his community. One of his favorite principles was the unifying of Black and White people in a city with a very checkered past. While working in various community roles, from State Commissioner of Human Resources to president and chair of various nonprofits, he worked tirelessly to improve the lives of Montgomeryans and Alabamians. He began the regional food bank, which today distributes over twenty million meals annually to hungry families. He championed drug awareness and education, as well as fostered relationships between law enforcement and families from underserved and underprivileged neighborhoods. His leadership abilities and penchant for bringing out the best in people made him a dynamic force in the community. His undying support of these causes and many others elevated him among his peers. He was well-respected, highly esteemed, and beloved.

A biography written about Daddy’s life and his role in history, called Once a Fighter Pilot, written by historian Warren A. Trest, captures the essence of Daddy’s leadership persona and the impact he had on the many people who have worked for and with him. The first printing sold out, and he was reticent about a second printing. He would be; that was his way. He was remarkably self-effacing.

A month before Daddy passed away, he was telling war stories with young pilots at the Aviator Bar in downtown Montgomery, Alabama. He drove himself there and back, as he almost always did. His favorite social activity was a night spent with friends, visitors, and young airmen, singing raucous songs, and flirting with pretty girls, while doling out sage advice. He was strong and robust with a hearty laugh and a mischievous twinkle in his eye until the end of his long and fruitful life.

If you ever had an opportunity to spend a little time with him, you are fortunate. He is unforgettable, and his wisdom is timeless.

 

 

Categories
Advice from my father

General Advice, Episode 8

My father, General Chick Cleveland, passed away in May 2021 at the age of 93. He gave me some great advice over those years, and I am sharing some of it here on my blog in small doses. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me!

Never shy away from leadership, but do not presume it either – It may not be safe to assume that there is not a more competent leader among you.  If no one is willing to step up to the plate, by all means….

Keep track of your money – Being fiscally sound is one of the few things you have more or less complete control over.  Don’t spend more than you make, and be sure you save a percentage out of every paycheck.  Make a budget, and keep a record of everything.  With these habits you will be able to enjoy your retirement!

Don’t toot your own horn – Let others who know you and have personal testimony about you crow all they want on your behalf.  When you do it, it looks braggadocios and self-serving.

Always clean up after yourself – Don’t delay; do it right away. Being neat and organized, and maintaining a clean workspace and living space reflects pride and shows others you care. In fact, it shows yourself you care. There’s no reason not to clean up right away after a project, cooking a meal, doing your bills, whatever. Put things away and wipe everything down. You are not done until everything is tidy.

Have a routine – Daddy lived each segment of his day by a routine.  From the time he got up, what he ate for breakfast, how he dressed, even how he read his mail.  My favorite routine by far is the “drinky-poo” he had at cocktail time.  In fact, it transcended routine and became a ceremony.  His favorite drink was a gin and tonic.  First he got out all the ingredients:   The same tumbler, the specific gin, the name brand tonic in the small bottles, the lemons.  He sliced the lemons into small sections, added four ice cubes to the tumbler, poured the gin to the count of three, and filled the glass with tonic.  He squeezed the lemon in and stirred it.  He then got out the snacks, or as he called them, the soakers.  First the little serving dishes, then a variety of chips and nuts.  Once the table was set, he waited for whomever was with him to be seated and ready.  No one took a drink until everyone was ready to relax for that first sip.  Glasses were raised, then “Cheers!” and with smiles and warm looks right in the eye, glasses were clinked all around. It was a beautiful ceremony!  And one that is repeated in his honor to this day.

Wear pajamas – Another one of Daddy’s rituals, pajamas at bedtime, signifies the transition from day to night, from productivity to sleep. It’s the other end of the spectrum from making your bed every morning – also an absolute must.

The Arts are important – Daddy had no artistic ability that any of us are aware of  (although he did take up the drums in his 50s as an ode to his love for jazz), but he had a great love and appreciation for the fine arts. Music, theater, and artwork are ways to express our inner emotions with culture and refinement. They elevate humanity.

Self-esteem is not a right, it is earned – Daddy said many times, if you are a lazy bum who amounts to nothing, you will consequently have low self-esteem; it is a natural order.  Don’t blame your no-account life on low self-esteem. Do things that will raise your image of yourself. Improve yourself.  Take care of yourself.  Then your estimation of yourself will rise also.

Jealousy is weakness – There is no greater exposer of insecurity than jealousy.  It is petty and reveals a heart that refuses to believe the best.

Know what the goal is and work toward it – Having a destination is necessary for any journey. How can you arrive if you don’t know where you’re going? You can chart progress and create alternate routes as needed, but know what your goal is.

Take responsibility – If you have a task to do, own it. Immerse yourself in it and do the very best you can with it. If your work doesn’t live up to expectations (yours or someone else’s), own that too.  Make no excuses.

Forgive and forget – Once you have offered someone your forgiveness, that’s it. It’s done. Move on.

Stay current – At 93, Daddy spent a good chunk of his day on the computer, reading news, catching up on sports, communicating with his friends, and doing business with his non-profits. He texted and checked his phone fairly regularly. He believed you have to stay up with technology and current events to be relevant. He was not shy when it came to learning new things. He was interested and eager to learn.  It kept him young.

Embrace change – It is inevitable in this life, and there is no use trying to fight it. Those who don’t change with the attitudes, standards, and practices of the time get left behind. That’s not to say don’t fight for values you believe in; just be sure those values aren’t obsolete.

Categories
Advice from my father

General Advice, Episode 7

My father, General Chick Cleveland, passed away in May 2021 at the age of 93. He gave me some great advice over those years, and I am sharing some of it here on my blog in small doses. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me!

Mainstream values are good – I had lots of notions of individualism bordering on rebellion when I was younger. There was a time when I hung out with friends who dyed their hair green and pink, wore tattered clothes, boys wore makeup, and girls wore grunge. It was freeing in a way because it was so different from my conservative lifestyle at home. The ideal of individual expression was very appealing, especially when it flew so flagrantly in the face of the status quo. My father had a different take on it. “It seems like your friends just want to shock people. They are looking for attention, not for anything positive they are contributing to society, but just for their appearance. What’s the value in that?” He continued, “The reason society, American society, progresses is because of the basis it has in the Judeo-Christian value system.” Now Daddy was never a religious man. When questioned, he would say he was agnostic, but he put great stock in the value system developed on biblical mores. Individual expression is well and good, but a great society gets ahead when it works for the common good, not when it works for the individual.

Help others; give freely – Generosity of life and spirit is what makes life worth living. When you can give to others, you are truly receiving more. It feels good to share. If it doesn’t, you’re not doing it right.

Life is good; be positive – There are many more good things in the world than bad. Just look for them. If you stop looking for the negative, you might start seeing the positive. Even simple things are good, like someone’s smile, the love of a pet, witnessing a good deed. Be watchful for these things.

People are good; believe the best – Some people are boobs. Most are not. When you start believing people are bad, everyone looks bad. Stop that. Start believing most people want the best. Sure, people will take the easiest route to get something; it’s human nature. That doesn’t necessarily make them bad.

Support the underdog – The underdogs in this world are the brave and the untested. They pit themselves against champions and dare to win, taunting victory. They epitomize courage and boldness. And they deserve a cheerleader!

Let the other person have the bigger piece; always ask if anyone else wants the last bite – This is common courtesy.  Don’t be a hog.

Mind your manners – Always say “please,” “thank you,” “after you.” Let others have the first piece and the last piece.  It is what drives a civilized world.

Always pitch in and help – We are a community and can do so much more together than alone.  When you see someone burdened with a task, pick up some of the slack, at home, at work, at school, wherever.  It builds rapport and a sense of accomplishment.

Practice, practice, practice – The only way to master a skill is to practice it relentlessly.  If you don’t practice, you will be a poor performer.  Practice everything you want to excel at, from communication to your backhand.

Keep yourself healthy – Your body has to last your whole lifetime. Take care of your teeth!

Family is the most important thing in life, the ones you support, the ones who support you – Take care of them and treat them well.  You will need them one day!