Categories
Generations Positivity

On Going Gray

At 55, the decision to go gray took much more consternation and consideration than the decision to color my hair in my forties. When I turned 40, I attended an event with my sister who is 12 years older than I am. She colored her hair which kept her looking younger, and I had been showing the first strands of gray. Up until that point I loved and embraced my gray. I thought it was natural and beautiful, a part of aging gracefully, an organic process. But at that event somebody looked at my sister and then at me and said to me, “And you must be older?”

I was devastated.

That week I started coloring my hair. It felt a little weird at first, but my friends were also coloring their hair, so I looked the same nebulous age as everybody I was with. Sort of that non-descript, middle ground where you could be anywhere from 35-60.

I started seriously thinking about embracing my gray ten years later, when I turned 50. I was just flat-out tired of coloring my hair, of keeping up with the gray roots, and of the amount of time it took to color it. Like most women, my chosen color was getting lighter and lighter to try and mask the relentless gray roots that showed themselves afresh every week or so. It was a very busy time in my life, working full-time, getting a master’s degree, and taking care of my father, as well as trying to have some semblance of a social life. I really didn’t want to devote my precious mental resources to worrying about my hair.

I’m a minimalist at heart anyway. I try to keep my life as low-maintenance as practical.

Following through with the decision to go natural meant I would definitely look older than my contemporaries. The women, that is – most men don’t even consider covering their gray. The women, however, are a veritable cornucopia of colors. Anywhere from auburn, to blonde, to chestnut, to raven black.

When I mentioned going gray, my girlfriends and my hairdresser cringed. Why would I want to look old when there are still so many great years to live?

But to me the decision to go gray is a lot more than looking older. It is about looking natural. It is about my hair color naturally matching my age. If I project youthfulness, I want it to be because of my attitude, my energy, my fitness level, or my ethos, not because of my hair color.

Personally, I feel more beautiful with gray hair than I did as a blonde. It is a natural beauty, not contrived. It has been part of a redefining or awakening. I am vibrant on the inside and my hair color doesn’t change that at all. I am still adventurous and sporty, but I feel less weighed down. To be sure, it was an emotional adjustment, and it did take some self-cheerleading. But now I absolutely love it!

I was perhaps a little drastic when I finally did decide to go gray. Rather than letting the color grow out or doing a color-match, I cut all the blonde off at once, so I had a very short, boys’ haircut. My friends and family had all the jokes about me identifying as a lesbian. I was fine with that. My hair will grow out soon enough, and I can decide whether I want to keep it short or grow it long again.

I see many women into their late eighties still coloring their hair, and I don’t judge. Going gray is such a personal choice. It took me five years at least to make the decision to embrace my natural, silvery splendor. I regret nothing!

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Travel

Italy Part 3: The old and the new

Italy is an amazing mixture of then and now, of history and the present. It feels surreal walking through the ruins of an ancient civilization that still stand in the midst of a very modern city. It was a poignant reminder of the continuity of life and of change, of progress and history.

I went to Italy with four other women, one of whom was my roommate in college. We had a lot of history ourselves, as well as a lot present, if you know what I mean. We stayed in Rome (Roma), Manciano, and Naples (Napoli). We visited the Amalfi coast, the Isle of Capri, Pitigliano, Sorrento, and many other small towns in between. We made pizzas at a cheese farm, rode Vespas to a winery, and snorkeled in the Mediterranean.

It was a magical trip.

The villa where we stayed was a three-bedroom apartment on the third floor in the heart of a small town, with beautifully well-appointed living and dining areas and a small kitchen. We slept with the floor-length, balcony windows open – no screens – shutters completely open to the street below. It was beautiful. We could hear neighbors talking to each other from balcony to balcony and friends enjoying a glass of wine at café tables in the street below.

We were in a quaint and beautiful mountain villa high up in the country overlooking miles and miles of rolling vineyards and small groves, a tapestry of colors and textures. Clouds settled over the distant sea, just beyond. All the colors of green and brown contrasted with the blue and gray mountains on the horizon. We were facing west, so the sunsets were exquisite.

Our first monring, by some good fortune, I was the first one up and had coffee on the tiny balcony off the kitchen overlooking the town. A woman was walking from the market with a rolling cart up the winding street, probably with the day’s groceries. Being up before my flat mates was so peaceful and gave me time for this morning reflection before the bustle started. I was lost in thought that in Italy some parts of life have not been tainted by modernity. Every person in this village was capable of sitting in isolation with all the modern conveniences we have in the US. They could close their windows and doors, text and email all their communications in efficient solitude, order from Amazon, and screen surf all day long. But they chose to be out with each other, to connect, to be present in person all day every day. The sense of community was profound. The scent of freshly baked bread rose up to the balcony, enticing me out of my reflections, reminding me it’s time for breakfast. I head out for a walk to explore the town.

The town was made up of kilometers of small, narrow, winding roads and alleys, all stone paved and built on hilly terrain. There were no yards or even spaces between homes. The doors were open, so I could see inside. Most had a washer but no dryer. Laundry was hung on almost every balcony to dry. Tiny cars were nestled in tiny garages. A continuous frontage of warm-colored stone and stucco, dotted with lush potted plants and geraniums in hanging baskets, lined the cobblestone alleyways, and kept ascending, climbing up and up. The clay roof tiles created a continuous line that followed the path of the winding roadway.

The people were out and about, puttering in their garages or working on community projects together. They were staining furniture, having coffee, chatting. Beautiful young, Italian women with no makeup and hair under their arms worked the shops and cafes. I passed a group of neighbors painting neon green lines on the pavement for what looked like an upcoming competition.

I return to our villa and my flat mates are all up and ready for the day. While they head to a spa for massages and facials, I hike several miles into town past vineyards and orchards and stop in a little, out-of-the-way osteria for lunch. I got the feeling this was not a café that catered to non-Italian speakers often. I was not unwelcomed, but the customary pleasantness that accompanies the tourism industry was not employed here. Meals in Italy are broken into many parts including small plates, salads, main course, dessert, and coffee. It’s bad form to skip any of them, and it’s customary to spend hours at the table. I had the good fortune to sit for a long time and observe. I watched people order their meals, eat slowly and leisurely, then spend hours talking, laughing, and having café together. It was not at all like an American restaurant, set to serve you quickly and run you out so the next table can be served. I marveled again at the sociability and sense of community among Italians.

That night, back in our villa, was a wine festival. The whole village was out, listening to live music, drinking, feasting, and participating in a wine barrel rolling competition. Apparently, this is an annual tradition, and the villagers roll full barrels of wine through the streets and up the hills. We met some local sheep farmers who bring their sheep cheese every year. All had a strong connection to the agrarian past in stark contrast to the modern world right at their fingertips.

On days when my group of girlfriends had nothing planned, we planned to get lost. My college roomie would get in the driver’s seat and say, “Let’s go this way until we find something!” One of the first places we discovered was Pitigliano, a city built into the cliffs. We walked through the town streets and gazed out the turret windows at the countryside below. The people who lived in the town were all out talking to each other, warmly greeting each other, and gossiping or catching up on family news. It was absolutely remarkable how a city that old, built into rock, had the infrastructure to support modern lifestyles. The wiring was mostly external, threaded through holes drilled in the stone that was twelve-inches thick or more. The whole city lights up spectacularly at night, so when you’re driving past, you see the illuminated city in relief against the cliff face. The confluence of old of new was as apparent here as it was everywhere else.

We visited a lemon and cheese farm in Massa Lubrense, outside of Naples. The owner was born there, married there, and raised his family there. His recipes for provolone, mozzarella, and ricotta, for infused olive oils, lemonade and limoncello were all handed down for generations. We visited the cows and watched the cheese makers. Then we were invited to make our own Margarita pizzas, tossing the crust, adding the red tomato sauce, the green basil, and the white mozzarella – the colors of the Italian flag and named for Queen Margarita. Delicioso!

From there we spent our last night in Naples. Never was I more impressed with the confluence of past and present, history and future, as I was there. It is a fascinating city! In Rome, the ruins are hallowed, preserved, and most of the time off-limits to hands-on exploration, and for good reason. In Naples, there was almost an irreverence toward its ancient past. There is a mix of solemn respect for the past and of flagrantly taking their history for granted. Graffiti was everywhere. On statues, ancient castle walls, new structures, it really didn’t seem to matter. It took me aback at first until I remembered stories I learned in the fifth grade about graffiti unearthed from ancient Roman times that gave glimpses into life as they perceived it way back in the day. I realized the graffiti of Napoli was continuing a long tradition of free expression that has endured and thrived. It made me smile at the continuation of society and its mores.

Another impression of Naples that stands out is the amount of scaffolding everywhere, as far as the eye can see. You really can’t tell if it’s a city on its way up or on its way down! What stood out to me again is the melding of the old and new. The old structures would always stand but would continually be upgraded and updated to keep up with society in its most useful and efficient iterations.

People were pouring into the streets after riposo, ready for the night’s social activities, for connection with their neighbors and friends. At 9:00 in the evening, the shopkeepers were just putting out the café tables for the evening’s meal, as if to remind the world that the day shouldn’t end without associating and relating with your people. It’s what has built true stability and permanence here in the modern, ancient society of Italy.

Categories
Positivity Travel

Italy: Part 2 – An ode to things we carry unnecessarily

When women travel, they carry luggage. So much luggage. On a trip to Italy a few years ago, my group of five women (only one of which did I know) traveling together for two weeks brought eight huge suitcases and numerous carry-ons, which did not include shopping bags or purses. Oh my gosh. I have never seen so many bags all together in one place.  

On arrival, we went to pick up our rental car. My friend had reserved a Land Rover, big enough to seat all five of us. It was not, however, big enough to hold our luggage, too. The attendant gave us a van – still not big enough. We ended up with the most American looking SUV they had on the lot.

Major props to my friend who was the driver of that SUV. It is nigh impossible to drive a large vehicle in Italy. The roads are narrow and traffic laws are merely suggestions. Most drivers there are in compacts and minis. We looked so very out of place in our 5-door, 8-seat gas guzzler. We and our baggage barely fit into it. Loading it was like a game of Tetris.

My goal is to travel light: One carryon, no matter where I go, no matter for how long. I pack just enough clothes, made from wrinkle-free fabrics that roll up tight, and one pair of very cute but practical shoes. I pack light, so I can remain flexible and fancy-free.

These women brought snacks, jewelry, shoes, cameras, pillows, I don’t even know what else. So many things! Problem is, it is really hard to carry so many bags everywhere you go, and you’re liable to start losing things because it’s hard to keep track of them.

Our villa was on the third floor, and we arrived late at night in the dark. I can lift my suitcase easily, so carrying it up the stairs was no problem. Not so much the other girls. It took them many trips to carry their bags one at a time up the stairs, stopping on each stair. It struck me, not for the first time, how easy life can be when you just don’t carry much around. My heart went out to these weary travelers – but not quite enough to offer to carry their bags for them.

Our stay in the villa was beautiful, sleeping with the windows and shudders wide open. I had a room to myself, which was glorious. Only my things to look after – no clutter, no commingling of other travelers’ dirty socks or facial products. The peacefulness was sweet and exhilarating.

Our trip was magical! We visited Rome, toured castle ruins, rode Vespas to a private vineyard tour, soaked in a sulphury spring-fed pool, made pizzas and limoncello at a lemon farm, tasted wine and olive oils, and watched cheesemakers twist and pull mozzarella into perfect, glossy, white wreaths. We lay on the beach, took a private boat ride to Capri, toured the Amalfi coast, and were serenaded and entertained by a troubadour. I pocketed a few small rocks and seashells from the Mediterranean shore as mementos.

We ended our trip in Naples, where my travel companions – I kid you not – bought additional luggage to carry back all the items they purchased along the way. They had bought wine, oil, leather goods, clothes, jewelry, knick-knacks, and lots and lots of things. On our way to the airport, we had to get two taxis, one for the luggage and one for us. And then the kicker – my friends ended up paying an additional $600 in fines for the airline luggage transfer.

Why so much stuff?  

Seriously, you are cute enough as it is without having to have three outfits per day, plus shoes, plus jewelry and accessories, including scarves, bags, and belts.

The problem with baggage, is it is just that. Stuff you carry around that weighs you down. Constantly looking after your things, being held back at the airport, at the hotel, in the cab, not being able to go where you want when you want.

Then when you get home you have to find a place for it all. You have to unpack it, wash it, and put it away. Is it worth it to carry all that baggage? It may sound like I’m being judgmental but hear me out.

Carrying too many bags full of unnecessary things that we think we need is a living metaphor for how we carry around our very own fears, anxieties, emotional turmoil, and self-inflicted stress. That kind of baggage weighs us down and keeps us from enjoying life as it is happening. And apparently, the more we have of it, the more we accumulate.

Pare down, fellow sojourners. Travel light, figuratively and literally. Be ready to go, ready to see, ready to do. You definitely already look cute enough.