Tag: General Advice

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Advice from my father

General Advice, Episode 4

My father, General Chick Cleveland, has given some great advice over his 92 years, and I am sharing some of it here on my blog in small doses. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me!

Today’s selection is very leadership oriented. Daddy is one of the best leaders I know. He listens, motivates, advises, gives credit, and most of all, values those he works with. Because of these things, his people want to work for him and with him, and as a team they get stuff done!

See the big picture – One of my favorite stories about Daddy is one where he was flying over an air force base, taking in the landscape view. As a fighter pilot, his training was very specialized and concerned with preparing for and completing each mission. To him, however, his mission in the air had a much larger context. He looked out the window of his jet, and his heart swelled with pride.  He saw all the support structures and commands represented by the buildings and knew the people inside worked together to create the big picture, including keeping his jet in the air. Looking over the base, he had a full sense of what it took to run the best military in the world and exclaimed, “This is my Air Force!”

Be forward thinking, plan with foresight – It is important to plan, but plan with the future in mind.  It’s not enough to think about the decision at hand, think about how it is going to affect every other decision and how the future will unfold because of it.  Be broad in your vision.  See more than just yourself and your immediate interests.   

Plan your route – Daddy always unfolded the map on the dining room table where the light was good and where he could benefit most from the magnifying glass’ brightening effect.  He had a pencil and a red pen to mark his destination and his route, with the mileage written in the margins.  He never went anywhere by the seat of his pants.  He had a plan and knew exactly how long each trip would take and where we would stop along the way.  Whether it was a new friend’s home or a road-trip vacation, he performed this same ritual. 

Be decisive – Choose what you want and make it known.  Never be afraid to make a decision.  It may not be the best decision ever, but don’t back down, don’t waffle, and don’t hover in ambiguity.  When someone asks you what you want, tell them.  Don’t answer with a question, “well what do you want?” Don’t try to figure out what the consensus is, just answer plainly.  And if you are given a choice between two and you want both, say so.

Commit and follow through – When someone asks you to do something, anything, if you commit to it, follow through.  Don’t be mamby-pamby or squirrelly.  Commit if you can.  If you can’t, say so.  If you don’t want to, sometimes it’s just the right thing to do.  Once you commit, do it.  All the way.  If something better comes along, too bad.  Honor your commitments.  It’s a matter of integrity.  Even when it comes to going to ball games, Daddy would stay – winning or losing – to the very end.   Every time. 

Be on time and stay to the end – Part of honoring your commitments is being punctual.  If people are counting on you, they are counting on you at a certain time.  Do not let them down.  Stay till the fat lady sings.  It’s a reflection of your loyalty and commitment. 

Be very involved with your people – Wherever Daddy was stationed, he quickly gained a reputation for being engaged and involved.  He joined team sporting events, went to family picnics, attended staff parties, and made his people feel like he was glad to be one of them. 

Research and know your people – When Daddy went to a party he would have Mother quiz him on who would be there.  Who were they married to?  Who did they work for? What was their position?  How were they connected?  It is important to know your people. 

Show great appreciation; never let someone think they are being taken for granted – You should see Daddy when someone has gone out of their way to bring him something homemade.  He oohs and ahs more than anyone I know.  He relishes each morsel.  He turns it over in his hands to admire its beauty.  He savors the essence of it because there has been real effort involved.  He will stuff himself when he’s not even hungry to show his appreciation.  He doesn’t want you to think what you have done goes unnoticed.  Your effort makes him feel special, so he wants you to feel special.  It’s amazing. 

Communicate; tell others what is going on – The number one breakdown in both planning and execution is lack of communication. Tell everyone what you are going to do as a group, then after you’ve done it, tell everyone what you did as a group. Most importantly tell them why, so they can buy into it. Once everyone is on the same page, it is much easier to facilitate the strategy and eliminate confusion. This is for everything, from cooking breakfast to changing corporate policy. 

Choose carefully the people you want to be with – Daddy has never been one for social climbing.  He chooses his companions based on great integrity, loyalty and generosity, both of spirit and means.  Those are the people he loves.  He does not align himself with those who are petty, political or naysayers.  He is a careful companion. 

Be loyal – Your people are the most important asset you have. If you treat them well, remember them, make them a priority, stick with them even when they’re being jerks, you let them know you are a friend who can be trusted. Be there when they need you because you have committed to them. And one day, you may need them. 

Give back to your community – Daddy is a big believer that once you receive, you should give back, and we all receive so much from our communities.  He has been the progenitor of many groups in our community that have done amazing things from feeding the homeless, to drug education, to promoting inclusion.  He has led local and national groups that are part of his personal community from the food bank to world affairs.  He promotes the Arts, sports and scouting – you name it.  He believes in giving back, and wouldn’t this world be a better place if we all did! 

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Advice from my father

General Advice, Episode 3

My father, General Chick Cleveland, has given some great advice over his 92 years, and I am sharing some of it here on my blog in small doses. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me!

Below are three pieces of advice that are particularly relevant right now in our starkly divided political climate.

Be balanced, look at the other side – Every story has more than one perspective, and every side believes it is right. Don’t get so caught up in your own view that you can’t see someone else’s, or worse, that you refuse to see someone else’s. Assume people come to their conclusions about a subject from a place of intelligence and that their reasoning is at least as good as yours, even if it points the other direction. Seeing both sides gives you a new perspective and makes you a more balanced person. Debate should lead to a respectful understanding of the other side, even when you don’t agree. That disagreement is healthy.

Daddy is conservative in his politics, especially regarding national defense, but has grown rather moderate in social policy. He has had overwhelmingly positive experiences directing both the regional United Way and the Alabama Department of Human Resources. He has seen social programs work and believes they are good for the community. He knows first-hand the dangers of handouts and entitlements, but believes they in no way create more evil, nor do they “enable” everyone who takes advantage of them. Quite the opposite – when implemented judiciously, they have stunningly positive effects.

Daddy’s reasonable and pragmatic approach to intentionally hearing what is happening on the other side of a debate has been a major influence in fostering balanced views from many people who have worked with and for him.

Be open-minded – There is so much to this world, you can’t go around with a narrow and myopic point of view.  If you do, you are missing the majority of what’s out there! Open your mind to other perspectives, cultures, opinions. If you don’t, you are willfully living in ignorance. 

Don’t take anyone’s word for it – Always check to see if the facts are true. There are many statements and statistics bandied about to prove points, but do your own research to see if the facts hold up. Be a skeptic. Think for yourself. Don’t be afraid to challenge a mainstream notion. 

These three tenets are a bedrock of Daddy’s belief system. He is a critical thinker from the word go, and these lessons may be the most important of all.

Listen and Think.

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Advice from my father

General Advice, Episode 2

Daddy's tennis gear


My father has given some great advice over his 91 years, and I am sharing some of it here on my blog in small doses. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me!

Below are five more pieces of advice my daddy has given me. He’s a gem.

Be honest – Tell the truth, even when it’s hard.  When you are tempted to lie, think of the consequences of getting caught: a future of untrustworthiness and a reputation for deceit. Veracity is the essence of good character. 

Once he was in charge of a bomb targeting operation where his role was to oversee the efficacy of each training mission. There was a zero-tolerance policy at the time which meant mistakes weren’t allowed. Ever. However it did happen, of course, that bombs occasionally missed their mark. Others in his position would cover up the truth or even flat out lie to comply with the 100% effectiveness policy. He did not. His command was not happy – it meant low marks for everyone involved. But Daddy knew the bigger picture was that his men needed to improve their targeting, and the only way to do that was to expose the truth. He was less concerned with losing face than he was with having a reputation as a truth-teller.

Smile and laugh a lot – Daddy loves to smile.  He loves to be glad-hearted and is always ready to be cheerful.  He smiles at strangers, at people he knows and loves, and at acquaintances.  He is not, however, disingenuous.  You know when he is unhappy and he’s not afraid to snarl or growl when he feels like it.  But his main expression in greeting, especially in new situations, is a big, happy and very genuine smile.

Read a lot – It’s important to be well-rounded.  Reading is good for the soul.  It keeps your mind nimble and keeps you learning and expanding your horizons.  You don’t have to agree with everything you read – it’s good if you don’t!  You guarantee a challenge to your sensibilities and that means you are growing.

He has so many books he can’t count them, and over a wide variety of subjects. His favorite is military history, specifically the Civil War. But he also reads myriad newspapers and journals, both hard copy and online, to keep abreast of current events. There is very little he can’t talk about with some degree of knowledge.

Take everything at face value – Believe what people say at the first take.  Don’t try to read motives into their words or more than is there. Take their word to be their word.  Expect that most people don’t play games or lie or cheat.  If they show you differently, then act on that, but until then, believe their intentions are honorable.

Be active, play sports – Sports are a great way to keep your body and mind active as well as to be social.  They teach strategy, teamwork, goal setting, and they develop character. Mostly they teach you how to win and how to lose.

Even to this day he plays tennis. He doesn’t move as easily as he once did or hit the ball with the same power he had as a young man, but he still enjoys the camaraderie of other players. He especially enjoys reading his opponents and finding ways to outwit them. He is never so happy as when he’s on the court. The thing about tennis – every time you come off the court you are either a winner or a loser. You better get good at being both.

He taught all of his children to congratulate our opponents for winning and to let them know how well they played. Sore losers brood; rather, learn from your mistakes, think of the next opportunity, and work to improve. And if you win, never gloat, never make your opponent feel like they were less than competitive, and never, never do the touchdown victory dance!

Of course all these things translate into everyday life – Be cheerful, trustful, and trustworthy. Be interested and interesting. Most of all, be gracious to those around you both when you are on top and on the bottom.



Categories
Advice from my father

General Advice, Episode 1

My father has given some great advice over his 91 years here on this planet. I will share some of it here on my blog in small doses. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me!

General Chick Cleveland was raised by a single mother who put a lot of emphasis on good manners and common sense. As a result of that good upbringing and his accumulated life experiences, he internalized many moral lessons which he extends informally in the form of sterling advice. Over his 90-plus years, his counsel and admonitions have been given both verbally and through modeling. What follows is a compilation of lessons he taught to those who were lucky enough to hear and know him.

I am more than lucky; he is my father. He has been an archetypal role model: loving, very supportive and mirthful, but also gravelly and stern – a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps man’s man. His devotion to his family has been unwavering.  Growing up with him was perhaps a little bittersweet, but his advice has been honeyed with time. Now, being an adult with him is most certainly sweet. 

My mother was an amazing woman.  She was beautiful, gracious, elegant, and charming.  She could also be earthy, artsy, whimsical, and daring.  She was multi-faceted and warm.  Ever-so warm.  She lit up every room she entered with an inner light that never dimmed.  She was soft and sweet but spirited, strong but demure. Sometimes coy.  She was permissive and enjoyed the antics of her children and grandchildren.  Daddy was a stern man with high expectations and very disciplined.  Daddy and she balanced each other out so well. Things I learned about kindness and compassion, I learned from my mother; the lessons I learned from my father are about responsibility, strength and integrity.  Daddy’s lessons, though not always gentle, were always infused with love.  Lots of love.  A love that may have been hard for him to express at times, but deep and true and steadfast. 

I am compiling the lessons I learned from him because they are so important they need to be shared.  I want to pass them on, not only to my own children, but to anyone who will benefit.  The lessons he taught me are good for everyone, good for mankind.  I feel a debt of gratitude and a responsibility to pay them forward.

The Number One Lesson is Integrity:

Integrity is everything – if you lose anything in this world, don’t lose your integrity.  Hold it with a very tight grasp and no matter what the consequences, you will always have your honor.  The best example of this is his Ace status, 50 years after the fact.  During aerial combat in the Korean War, Daddy had not claimed a fifth kill even though he saw the enemy plane clearly hit by his barrage, and one more kill would have made him an Ace. He didn’t claim it because he didn’t see the plane crash and didn’t see the pilot eject, both of which were his personal criteria to determine if the plane was destroyed. The problem here though is that his squadron (primarily his wingman) knew the plane was destroyed because of the devastating damage it had taken and its downward trajectory through the cloud layer. They encouraged Daddy to claim the kill, but he just couldn’t. Not that he wasn’t tempted, but in his mind that would have been dishonest, and his lifelong integrity was more important than temporary glory.

Fifty years later, his wingman set out to prove Daddy’s “probable” was a kill. He investigated the enemy’s war records and found the corroborating evidence. He successfully made a case to the US Air Force. Daddy was named the 40th and Last Ace of the Korean War. “Last” because it was 55 years after the conflict, and with the advent of drones there is the possibility there will be no more aerial live combatants. 

Daddy has lived his last ten years or so as a military and local celebrity and is Past President of the Fighter Aces Association. And his friendship with his wingman was rich and rewarding for years until his death, a true testament to loyalty and love.

This anecdote lays the foundation for the excellent character that surrounds my father. He is straightforward, honest, sincere and fun. I can’t wait for you to meet him here!