Author: Sue McCarron

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Advice from my father

General Advice, Episode 6

My father, General Chick Cleveland, passed away in May 2021 at the age of 93. He gave me some great advice over those years, and I am sharing some of it here on my blog in small doses. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me!

Be a team player – The good of the team is more important than the good of the individual. A team has a purpose, a goal, and your best value is whatever advances the team, not what puts you ahead. Never give half an effort, encourage on the sidelines, and bring Gatorade for the team when you’re not playing.

Know your limitations, don’t overcommit – There’s nothing worse than telling someone you will do something and figuring out you can’t because you don’t have the resources, you don’t have the time, or you don’t have the inclination.

Be there for others – We all need each other in some way and if you have the resources to help others you should. You have probably been helped by others at some time. Maybe a sounding board, a word of advice, a leg-up financially. You should give back. It’s the right thing to do.

Stand up for yourself, do not be acquiescent – Letting others steamroll you is just dumb. Make sure you are equal to others in your own eyes and you will have less trouble being equal in theirs.

Shoot for the top, always perform your best – There have been times when I was willing to settle for second best, and Daddy called me up short for not trying for the top. One time in high school, a particularly innovative teacher let the class shoot for the grades we wanted. To get an A in the class, we had to write a certain number of papers, do research, read more than what was required, and show an effort at reaching the top. To get a B was less effort and seemed very doable. I really liked Option B. Daddy was always very sure to “let me make my own decision,” but he let his opinion be known loud and clear.  “Why would you settle for less than an A?” Of course, my rationale was because it was less work, and that didn’t fly with him. I changed my goal, did the work, and got the A. The experience will always stick with me.

Play hard – Wherever Daddy went, there was a party. He brought it with his mirthful attitude and wry humor. He loved people to be at ease and to laugh. And he loved his cocktails. A few gin and tonics and everyone he was with became as blithe as he was. He had that effect. Playing hard is a fighter pilot mainstay, and it stays for life. Daddy had all kinds of friends, and they all admired his fun side.

Be genuine, forthright and upfront – Cloaking and masking are for people with something to hide.

You can be anything you want to be – Don’t limit yourself with small goals. The only one who can stand in your way is you.

Take pride, be proud, but don’t be too proud – Daddy was a very proud man. He was confident, self-reliant, and never wanted to give up control or independence. At the same time, he was very conscious of false pride and knew the difference between self-confidence and self-aggrandizement. Be sure you know which side of the fence you fall on, and be sure to adjust your opinion of yourself based on your own accomplishments. Once you become too proud, you are apt to inflate your worth – a mistake that will undoubtedly get you knocked down a peg or two. Possibly very publicly.

Love your people fiercely and with devotion – Your team, your family, your tribe, are the ones who stand behind you and give you strength. They support you and love you even when you’re unlovable. Love them back with unwavering loyalty. The world is big and full of unknowns, and without your people you may feel alone and anxious. With them you feel buffered, strong, and steadfast. This is important, especially in a crisis.

Categories
Advice from my father

General Advice, Episode 5

My father, General Chick Cleveland, passed away in May 2021 at the age of 93. He gave me some great advice over those years, and I am sharing some of it here on my blog in small doses. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me!

Be frugal but generous – Lordy, Daddy was frugal.  He hated to part with his money.  He always got three estimates.  He almost always chose the lowest.  He waited for exhausting amounts of time to complete a big budget project just so he didn’t have to outlay that cash right away.  He didn’t buy things he didn’t need, and he didn’t need anything.  He was, however, exceedingly generous.  He gave freely to others in need.

Have a sense of humor – There is very little in life that cannot be made better by laughter.  He was self-deprecating and willing to see humor in his own foibles.  Sometimes he saw humor where he shouldn’t.  But oh well.  Wouldn’t you rather laugh inappropriately than not at all?

Speak first, shake hands, look people square in the eye, and wear a warm smile – People only get to meet you for the first time once.  Make their first impression of you one of strength, confidence, warmth, openness, and good will.

Do not give people a reason to mistrust you – In all ways make sure you are trustworthy and truthful so people have no reason to doubt your veracity or your integrity.  If they do, that is on them, not you.

Extend mercy – When I turned 11 I took a beer from my parent’s refrigerator and shared it with a friend.  Man, was I cool.  Mother and Daddy found a beer missing from the just-purchased six-pack and confronted me.  I denied it.  They did nothing, and I was sure I’d convinced them they had drunk the missing can.  A week later, trapped in the car with Daddy on the way to tennis camp, he confronted me again by giving me a way out that ensured I would tell the truth.  “We know you took the beer, but we are more concerned about the lying.  Now tell me the truth now, and nothing will happen to you.  I just want to hear you say it.”  I confessed.  How could I not?

Nobody wants to hear your personal business – Keep personal stories – things that might put you or others in a negative light – to yourself.  Don’t air your dirty laundry for others to see. It’s not their business. And don’t discuss money either. Ever.

Be strong, you don’t need the approval of others – Do the things you want and need to do, but don’t expect or even look for approval.  You may get it or you may not, but who cares?  If you know what you are doing is a good thing (personally, morally or socially), do it without looking back.

Be strong, you don’t need anyone to hold you up – You are strong enough to make it through anything at all.  It’s a matter of believing you have the power and will to go one more mile.  Believe in yourself.  You don’t need anyone else to hold you up, and no one can bring you down. 

Be strong, and know when it takes a team – Being strong means understanding some things are better done with diverse perspectives. A multitude of experiences and ideas are vital to bringing fresh ideas and talents when doing something great or creating something new.  Being strong does not mean being an island.  It means giving your fullest to a group effort and understanding that the outcome is greater with the help of many.

Be strong, you can do it – Just keep trying. Seriously. Just keep trying. If you give up, you are letting yourself be weak. But you are strong, so don’t give in. You can do it.

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Generations Positivity

Being a Nontraditional Student

As a member of the league of older, nontraditional students who are also working full time, the challenges are not centered on the schoolwork. No, the schoolwork is much more exciting than it ever was when I was a traditional student. The challenges are more a factor of the hidden costs – the opportunity costs. The price we pay for education is measured in much more than dollars and cents.

We pay in non-tangible ways with our time, our status, and our loss of freedom.

My peers are approaching retirement if they are not already retired. They are enjoying their grandchildren, their tennis, their overseas vacations. They have time. So much time.

Time is a commodity that eludes the nontraditional student. When I come home from work, I spend time with my father, fix him his favorite cocktail, then head to my home-office to read, study and write. I envy my friends and their extra time, but I also feel like my best days are ahead of me, full of promise, while theirs might just be behind them.

We older students put our esteem on the line when we try to go toe-to-toe with our younger classmates. Sweet platitudes like, “I admire you! I hope to still have that kind of drive when I’m your age!” play through my head way longer than I wish they would. When I ask for a pen because mine ran out of ink and no one has one because no one uses actual pens and paper anymore, the look of confusion and then compassion on their faces belies the fact that I am distinct from them in more than just age, but in technology, culture, The Times.

Being seen as a mentor among the younger crowd takes a back seat to being seen as a fellow, struggling student, just doing my best to turn in assignments on time. What I know that my classmates don’t is the real-life application of the lessons they are learning. Man, that is invaluable.

Another challenge is the loss of freedom to do what we want, when we want. Classmates grab a beer after class; friends plan an evening out together; family members want to take a weekend trip, but none of that is possible with a full-time job, classes, and responsibilities at home. Homework, exams, papers, and projects mean the fun is on hold. It certainly feels like others are living a far more carefree life while we are trudging through peer-reviewed articles and creating Prezis.

What I count on is that the loss of fun in the here-and-now is an investment in my future. More will be gained in the long run.

The fun is waiting for me!

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Positivity

That’s Dr. Lunch Lady to You

I have had the very good fortune these past few years to seize opportunities and try out many new things that I never, ever thought I would. As a 54-year-old Director of Conferences at a university, and as a mother of three grown children, my life is good in its consistency and in its stability. It feels good to be able to think thoughts of my own and use my time the way I want to – a far cry from the hectic, mommy days when all my children were toddlers, and also teenagers, at the same times.

I started my life over after a divorce five or so years ago, and I promised myself two things going forward. I would never do anything I didn’t want to do, and I would never pass up an opportunity.

Since then, I have learned coding, data analytics, graphic design, traveled abroad solo several times, camped alone, dated a man 20 years younger, started a PhD program. I am like a different person.

But one of the biggest changes is beginning work at the university cafeteria.

After COVID hit, our cafeteria underwent a giant shift in meal delivery. I was asked to help with the new processes to make the transition easier on the team and on the students. Since we aren’t doing conferences for the time-being, and that is my job title, I felt very fortunate to be given a new role. Even if it is being the lunch lady.

In your own kitchen, or even in a restaurant on your own plate, food is delightful. It’s beautiful, fragrant, tasty and a joy to experience, especially if you enjoy cooking. But that pleasantness really doesn’t scale well. If you’ve ever worked food service before, you know food in massive quantities is gross, no matter what state it’s in. In cafeteria quantities, it stinks. All of it stinks. All the time. It’s greasy and has a day-old look, even when it’s only been an hour since it was fresh out of the oven.

I am not a foodie to begin with. I’m a satisficer. If it’s good enough, I’m happy with it. But now, as the lunch lady, I’m really not into food at all. But I’m SUPER happy to have a job. And super happy to have been offered an opportunity when I could have easily been let go. And here’s the thing. I am enjoying it.

I work with students all day, which is hella fun. Everyone wants (needs, actually) to eat, so it’s hard not to feel like I’m doing important work. The downside is the late hours and the KP duty – I don’t know anyone who loves to mop and take trash to the dumpster. But the upside is engaging with the Gen-Z crowd in a way I normally wouldn’t be able to. I love the camaraderie of the kitchen, the fast pace, the friendly faces, the feeling of satisfaction after a long day of hard work.

And I’m fortunate to work with people who really care about what they do.

So I have approached being the lunch lady with the mindset that I will never do anything I don’t want to do, and I will seize every opportunity that comes my way. I’m not at all sure how this role fits into my career path, but I’m excited to find out.

And please…. that’s Dr. Lunch Lady to you.

Categories
Advice from my father

General Advice, Episode 4

My father, General Chick Cleveland, has given some great advice over his 92 years, and I am sharing some of it here on my blog in small doses. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me!

Today’s selection is very leadership oriented. Daddy is one of the best leaders I know. He listens, motivates, advises, gives credit, and most of all, values those he works with. Because of these things, his people want to work for him and with him, and as a team they get stuff done!

See the big picture – One of my favorite stories about Daddy is one where he was flying over an air force base, taking in the landscape view. As a fighter pilot, his training was very specialized and concerned with preparing for and completing each mission. To him, however, his mission in the air had a much larger context. He looked out the window of his jet, and his heart swelled with pride.  He saw all the support structures and commands represented by the buildings and knew the people inside worked together to create the big picture, including keeping his jet in the air. Looking over the base, he had a full sense of what it took to run the best military in the world and exclaimed, “This is my Air Force!”

Be forward thinking, plan with foresight – It is important to plan, but plan with the future in mind.  It’s not enough to think about the decision at hand, think about how it is going to affect every other decision and how the future will unfold because of it.  Be broad in your vision.  See more than just yourself and your immediate interests.   

Plan your route – Daddy always unfolded the map on the dining room table where the light was good and where he could benefit most from the magnifying glass’ brightening effect.  He had a pencil and a red pen to mark his destination and his route, with the mileage written in the margins.  He never went anywhere by the seat of his pants.  He had a plan and knew exactly how long each trip would take and where we would stop along the way.  Whether it was a new friend’s home or a road-trip vacation, he performed this same ritual. 

Be decisive – Choose what you want and make it known.  Never be afraid to make a decision.  It may not be the best decision ever, but don’t back down, don’t waffle, and don’t hover in ambiguity.  When someone asks you what you want, tell them.  Don’t answer with a question, “well what do you want?” Don’t try to figure out what the consensus is, just answer plainly.  And if you are given a choice between two and you want both, say so.

Commit and follow through – When someone asks you to do something, anything, if you commit to it, follow through.  Don’t be mamby-pamby or squirrelly.  Commit if you can.  If you can’t, say so.  If you don’t want to, sometimes it’s just the right thing to do.  Once you commit, do it.  All the way.  If something better comes along, too bad.  Honor your commitments.  It’s a matter of integrity.  Even when it comes to going to ball games, Daddy would stay – winning or losing – to the very end.   Every time. 

Be on time and stay to the end – Part of honoring your commitments is being punctual.  If people are counting on you, they are counting on you at a certain time.  Do not let them down.  Stay till the fat lady sings.  It’s a reflection of your loyalty and commitment. 

Be very involved with your people – Wherever Daddy was stationed, he quickly gained a reputation for being engaged and involved.  He joined team sporting events, went to family picnics, attended staff parties, and made his people feel like he was glad to be one of them. 

Research and know your people – When Daddy went to a party he would have Mother quiz him on who would be there.  Who were they married to?  Who did they work for? What was their position?  How were they connected?  It is important to know your people. 

Show great appreciation; never let someone think they are being taken for granted – You should see Daddy when someone has gone out of their way to bring him something homemade.  He oohs and ahs more than anyone I know.  He relishes each morsel.  He turns it over in his hands to admire its beauty.  He savors the essence of it because there has been real effort involved.  He will stuff himself when he’s not even hungry to show his appreciation.  He doesn’t want you to think what you have done goes unnoticed.  Your effort makes him feel special, so he wants you to feel special.  It’s amazing. 

Communicate; tell others what is going on – The number one breakdown in both planning and execution is lack of communication. Tell everyone what you are going to do as a group, then after you’ve done it, tell everyone what you did as a group. Most importantly tell them why, so they can buy into it. Once everyone is on the same page, it is much easier to facilitate the strategy and eliminate confusion. This is for everything, from cooking breakfast to changing corporate policy. 

Choose carefully the people you want to be with – Daddy has never been one for social climbing.  He chooses his companions based on great integrity, loyalty and generosity, both of spirit and means.  Those are the people he loves.  He does not align himself with those who are petty, political or naysayers.  He is a careful companion. 

Be loyal – Your people are the most important asset you have. If you treat them well, remember them, make them a priority, stick with them even when they’re being jerks, you let them know you are a friend who can be trusted. Be there when they need you because you have committed to them. And one day, you may need them. 

Give back to your community – Daddy is a big believer that once you receive, you should give back, and we all receive so much from our communities.  He has been the progenitor of many groups in our community that have done amazing things from feeding the homeless, to drug education, to promoting inclusion.  He has led local and national groups that are part of his personal community from the food bank to world affairs.  He promotes the Arts, sports and scouting – you name it.  He believes in giving back, and wouldn’t this world be a better place if we all did!